I have encountered a dilemma that started a short while ago. Although this dilemma may not seem like a problem to most. I have a temporary job, quite a comfortable one in fact, writing content for an eCommerce site launch. It’s close to home, I am able to dress comfortably, and currently don’t even have to commute the 2 miles to work.
Now if you know me, you know that convenience plays no part in my life pursuit however, at this stage in my life it’s necessary.
I’m getting tired of waking up in strange places being told where they found me.
I have seizures that started not too long after my 30th birthday shocking myself and those around me. I don’t have them enough to get assistance, but just enough to cause chaos around me every once in a while.
Enough to force me to give up my car keys.
Enough for me to constrict my career search.
Enough to piss me the fuck off.
Maybe one day I’ll tell you the story about my journey to accept my seizures, but for now just know that the unknown trait in this condition has forced me to second guess every decision I need to make. Just this week I was forced to make a decision that could potentially kick me back quite a few steps if the correct choice was not made, but my opportunities were great and would send me soaring in the right direction.
But prior to being confronted with this scenario, one night, as I slept, I had a dream that really disturbed me. In this dream, I had woken from my sleep and decided to go downstairs. I don’t know why as it seemed too dark for me to be up already. As I hit the last step and turned left, I saw that my front door was wide open and the only reason I could see anything was due to the street light shining in my doorway.
Was someone in my house? I felt fear, but not for my life. More like uncertainty. The door was wide open but the darkness stopped me from stepping towards the door, towards the light. I just awoke in shock. My dream was so simple, yet frightful.
I was so conflicted, yet felt so safe thinking about the wide open door.
Back to the story.
The job I am currently at while temporary, allowed me to work from home eliminating the need to call a $700 ambulance if I collapsed on the job. I was safe from embarrassment and an overnight stay at the closest hospital.
Two will force me out of the corner of my study, dressed, and mingling with the rest of the world again.
Two will allow me to work part time at my current job allowing me to save money.
Two will allow me to catch up on these unfortunate bills.
Two will lead me to venture back out into the open, hoping my seizures will wait until I got home.
So was the dream telling me something? Are all my doubts just based on the unknown? Should I have walked through that door? Is it safe out there?
We’ll shall see soon because I left that door and that darkness in the dust.
How would the world survive without the entertainment of me?